Ed Harrison Fiction

My blog about writing, literature and living in Montana

Life Studies and Heart’s Needle

Reading some poetry this winter. 

Two books from around 1959, a little before I was born. Reading poetry helps me with my short stories, which I am now working on everyday. My interest in confessional poetry goes back to a class in college titled “Modern Poetry,” taught by Dr. Frank Bliss. I will write more about this later.

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The front quotation in in Heart’s Needle always seemed cool to me. I read this book first in college – I think I was too young to understand all the pain from divorce and children, but I understood the craftsmanship of this book.

The front quotation, from Irish mythology:

For Cynthia

When he would not return to fine garments and good food, to his houses and his people, Loingseachan told him, “Your father is dead.” “I’m sorry to hear it,” he said. “Your mother is dead,” said the lad. “All pity for me has gone out of the world.” “Your sister, too, is dead.” “The mild sun rests on every ditch,” he said; “a sister loves even though not loved.” “Suibhne, your daughter is dead.” “And an only daughter is the needle of the heart.” “And Suibhne, your little boy, who used to call you “Daddy”—he is dead.” “Aye,” said Suibhne, “that’s the drop that brings a man to the ground.”

He fell out of the yew tree; Loingseachan closed his arms around him and placed him in manacles.

 

—AFTER THE MIDDLE-IRISH ROMANCE, THE MADNESS OF SUIBHNE

 

A Little Alpenglow

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View from the window to the left of my desk, which is actually a storm door. Sapphire mountains to the east. Working on finishing two short stories, both of which have the finish line in sight. I will talk about them later.

Coming Back to Life

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View from my outdoor woodworking bench. Lilacs blooming, hoop house greenhouses, Bitterroot mountains, the Russian olive tree overhead coming back to life after winter. 

Woodcarving out here with my carving chisels this afternoon. The natural light is great for both carving and getting your chisels very sharp with oilstones and various slipstones. 

Writer’s Block

The horse at the property next to ours:

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He’s always social distancing and we are too. But we check on each other daily.

I’m dealing with ‘writer’s block.’ I hate that term and I think it’s over-used, but that’s what I have in my toolbox of words to term this thing. I have this story to finish and it’s a pretty good story. I haven’t been able to get it done lately. Not only does it feel like I am down in a hole trying to claw my way up and out, it feels like I am weak as a writer. I’m accustomed to feeling strong. I am one of the world’s leading experts at procrastination, and I am clever and conniving at rationalizing procrastination, but I normally feel like: ‘I could get this done if I wanted to, or really needed to. I could dig down and grind it out.’

Now, not so much. So the one thing I can think of to do is just to take very small steps. Do something very simple. Then do the next thing that’s very simple. I know that the strength will eventually come back to finish this story. Here’s my list of steps:

 

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I’m going to look back on this and laugh about it. No doubt about it.

Cheerfulness of Amaryllis

In Mississippi a lady that I worked with gave me an amaryllis which I put in the flower bed in front of my house there and within five years there were about 30 of them. 

Here in Montana, the plant is more persnickety. My wife grows about twenty or thirty of them indoors, in the atrium/ full length windows part of our house and it seems like you get about a 10 percent attrition rate through the winter. But when they bloom, they always strike me as a cheerful-looking plant. Here are two starting to bloom on the dining room table. I think I gave her both as gifts – I know I gave her the one that has the colors of an apple blossom.

 

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In the background is the lighted nook we built a few years ago for the dining room area of our house. I think I did most of the work of building the “box” and Colleen did most of the finish work – our usual style of working together. Here’s the “box” going into the “hole in the wall.” (This old house has plaster walls and ceilings). 

 

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This week, with the cheerfulness of the amaryllis to inspire me, I plan to get lots of writing done.

Paul Kelly, Raymond Carver, Howlin’ Wolf

This quotation from Australian singer/songwriter Paul Kelly means a lot to me:

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I tried to do it as a typecast – still working the kinks out of that.

Paul Kelly seems to intersect with my life a lot. The 1987 album “Under the Sun” on tape cassette lived in the cassette player of my Ford “Lazer” for the time that I lived in Australia during 1991 and 1992. I played that music for years afterward, too. In 2006, an Australian Film group made the film “Jindabyne” based on Raymond Carver’s short story “So Much Water So Close to Home.” Paul Kelly had recorded a song based on this story titled “Everything’s Turning to White” and Kelly also did the musical score for the film.

Lake Jindabyne and the town of Jindabyne was an old stomping ground of mine in Oz. I went there a couple of times with the squadron I was in – 817 Squadron – as we did search and rescue training there. We were training for the contingency that an airliner might crash in the Snowy Mountains and there would be an all-out rescue effort. They were multi-day SAR exercises that involved coordination between helicopters, snowmobiles, first responders on skis and on horseback, and virtually the entire town of Jindabyne. But I also went there on my own at least 8 times to fly fish for trout. There was an area where the Thredbo River flowed into Jindabyne that was like holy place for me. I would take off in my Ford Lazer at midnight, drive 5 hours and be there when the sun came up at the mouth of the Thredbo. I even built a carrier for my wooden boat, mounted it on top of the little car, took it up there, and motored around the lake with it. Everyone I met said the boat was too big and heavy to be mounted on top of the car like that, but I did it anyway, and I have photos somewhere.

So my wife and I watched this movie “Jindabyne” based on the Raymond Carver story, with Paul Kelly knuckle-deep into the production effort, and though the music was fine, all I can say is the film was a bit of a slog. It was drama on top of drama, surrounded by over-the-top drama. I remember telling Colleen, “I’ll bet the townspeople of Jindabyne watched that and then said in that laconic Australian way, ‘Well that was a bit a dark, wasn’t it?’” I mean, it’s a dark story, sure,…but the film needed a little more comic relief, or something. It seems to never go two minutes without someone screaming at someone. But I enjoyed some of the scenery in the film , which seemed to be shot around Jindabyne. I did not see the mouth of the Thredbo River flowing into the lake, though – I could have pointed out the spots where you could catch trout.

I have a short story started titled “Tullamarine” which is based on the situation in this Paul Kelly song:

It doesn’t copy anything from the song, of course, but it uses the basic situation of the song as the starting point for the very highly stylized, fictional, and invented story. I think of it as a “dark lady of the sonnets” story, where a guy runs into an old lover at the Melbourne airport, and then a series of events occur which release a lot of ghosts and plot twists from the past. The dark finger of old love from the past is beckoning. “Tullamarine,” an impossibly poetic word for me, is the nickname for the international airport at Melbourne. But back to the Kelly song – the line “I woke up at the table and the house was burning bright,” – is a great line! – and it takes me straight to a Raymond Carver sort of world.

Paul Kelly’s memoir titled “How to Make Gravy” is unique. He takes 100 or so of his best songs, alphabetized by title, and then writes a little vignette about the writing of each one. It skips back and forth through different periods of his life and is an overall great read. I think it was published in 2010. There are recorded performances of the 100 or so songs – 8 CDs! – which go with it.

I am finishing up a story titled “Martin and Miyako.” When I finish, I will move on to “Tullamarine” – which I am occasionally making notes for. Writing is difficult in this weird pandemic time, so far, but I am working on writing every day.

Listening to:

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From 2017, and

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From 1959, I think.

Both great albums. There’s this one moment in the second song of that Howlin’ Wolf album – first you have perfect piano, then perfect electric guitar, then perfect harmonica, then all of a sudden you have what sounds like trashcans being pounded on a wooden floor – but perfect, absolutely syncopated rhythm with the rest of the song – it is one of those moments in blues music that just totally owns me. It is like BB King and Tracy Chapman dueting on “The Thrill is Gone,” or the beginning of Rev. Gary Davis’ “Death Don’t Have no Mercy” – totally owns me. I surrender.

A Writer’s Shack

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I will be building this pub shed and writer’s studio this spring. I will blog the progress of the build here. I plan on adding a few solar panels and skylights to the roof if all goes well. A large panel swings up to reveal a bar area on the porch. I want to have shelves of books built in, inside, so space is going to have to be planned as if it is a tiny house. It will be insulated, with a small propane heater, but no plans for water or an electrical sub panel at his point. 

Blockage, Boredom, the Battle Axe

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I deep cleaned my Stratocaster. Cleaned off all the scum buildup off the fretboard with citrus cleaner, hit it with some renaissance wax, put new strings on – (“Heavy Bottom”) 10-52 strings – which means it needs the action adjusted from the twelfth fret on up but I don’t want to mess with a truss rod adjustment. It also needs some fret leveling – I’ll pay somebody to do all that when times are more normal. 

I cleaned off the “surfer girl” sticker on the front and the Tasmanian devil sticker on the back. The surfer girl looked a little bit like the soft porn era of Melania Trump, and the Tasmanian devil, now that I am trying to learn the style and subtlety of Peter Green, no longer reflects the spirit animal of my approach to music.

I bought this in Tokyo in 1997, at a store called, I think, “Tahara’s.” The store was the biggest guitar store in Tokyo – 3 levels, if I remember correctly, with a glass elevator that ascended into the heaven of guitars and other musical instruments. They had everything you could think of, as I remember, including a Gibson Jimmy Page Signature Les Paul that was of course actually signed by Jimmy Page. Millions of Yen. The had a beautiful National Steel resonator guitar – a shiny silvery beauty of a type of guitar that I had only seen in photos before. They had a guitar previously owned by B.B. King – more millions of yen. 

The sales clerk tuned this Strat for me with lightning fast precision and then thrust it toward me with the words “Hai! Dozo!” Or “Yes! Please!” I went through the motions of plucking out a few notes and riffs, then tried to remember the phrase I wanted from the two week indoctrination/ acclimation course that the Navy puts you through when you first get orders to Japan – the phrase for “I would like to buy this.” I couldn’t summon it from the depths. It is very easy to go wrong when you are a “Gaijin” (foreigner) trying to speak Japanese – I had lived with a Japanese-American girlfriend in San Diego in the 1980s and I had learned a few intimate phrases in Japanese but I didn’t want to go anywhere close to them by mistake. So I pulled out my wallet from my hip pocket, opened it, pulled out a credit card and pointed to it. 

That wasn’t the most optimal move, either, because anything coming from your hip pocket is not the way to impress Japanese people. For instance, as we learned in indoc school, if a Japanese person gives you their business card and you put it in your wallet, put your wallet in your hip pocket, and then promptly sit down in a chair,…..well, there’s not much worse you can do. Business cards need to go into a breast pocket, near your heart. You don’t stow them near your butt.

I paid attention to all of this stuff in indoctrination school – I’m the guy who once brought my Japanese-American girlfriend some white chrysanthemum flowers, which, it turns out, symbolize death in Japan. 

However, producing the credit card had the desired effect. “Hai!” The sales clerk said. Yes! This gaijin would be allowed to purchase this guitar. Immediately. We descended in the glass elevator down through guitar heaven to the register. He ran an imprint of my card, smiling and saying “Hai, Hai, Hai,” the only words needed, really. It was 100,000 yen or so – about $915 dollars at the current exchange rate. He gave me some customs forms, half English, half Kanji, which in theory I was supposed to do something with – I think they are still up in my attic in a box with my Navy papers somewhere. I signed the credit card slip. He produced a padded nylon gig bag that fitted the Stratocaster. “Hai! Hai!” That was free. We grinned at each other. 

The ultimate sugar high. Buying a new guitar. We shook hands. “EEEN,” he said. “EEEN,….Eeeen-Joy!”

“Hai!” I said. “Domo arrigata GO-ZAI-EEE-MAS!”  I headed out the door and toward the train station grinning ear to ear, a kitchi-gai gaijin with a new guitar.

So, from the serial number it is a 1993 Fender Japan 62 Stratocaster, meant to emulate Stratocasters made in the USA in 1962 when Fender in California offered a rosewood fretboard. It came with overwound “Texas Special” pickups made in the USA, which were popular in the 1990s when millions of people were trying to sound like the late, great Stevie Ray Vaughn. I like the sound of these pickups because you get a bell-like tone, glassy and smooth, less “quack”-like than a lot of other Strat pickups. The build quality of the guitar is very good. Fender Japan made them in a factory that also produced orchestra instruments – bassoons, oboes, cellos, etc. I haven’t changed anything on the guitar at all. 

It is my only electric guitar and I have no intention of ever selling it. But like I say, Surfer Melania and the Tassie devil had to go. 

Now I really should be writing. The quarantine situation is playing havoc with my normal creative process. 

 

 

 

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